Forgiving Infidelity: A Decision Only the Betrayed Can Make

Forgiveness is a decision, and it takes more than time; the hurt feelings don’t follow it on command. In the first few weeks after an affair, things look different. Images force their way into your mind in the middle of the day or at night. The desire to know every detail is strong, and every detail raises new questions. Staying and leaving sometimes alternate within a single day.

What Can Be Figured Out on Your Own

Independently of your partner, there are some things you can figure out for yourself: what was hurt, for example trust, your own worth, and the image of the relationship that held until then. This includes what the betrayed partner wants to regain and what is no longer possible, and sometimes also the question of what role they themselves played in creating the distance beforehand. One’s own role in creating the distance is one thing; the decision to be unfaithful is another. Anyone who confuses the two takes on someone else’s guilt.

Two Questions, One Sequence

Whether the relationship will continue is the second question. The first is whether the person who was cheated on will find their way back to themselves. If you want to sort through these questions, you can come to counseling alone for that.